The Hidden History of the Hitmen
In the modern Congressional Softball League (CSL), few teams are feared like today’s Hitmen, whose incredible inability to field a full squad by game time tests the patience of any opponent. Truly a regional team, the Hitmen live and work in almost every surrounding county, and their weekly rush to the mall contributes mightily to the congestion of all four area Interstate corridors.
But team members haven’t always been slow to the field, trolling for 6:30 p.m. parking spots and saluting cars suddenly trapped behind them with a single finger raised high. The Hitmen squad was born a true Hill team, part of the core of the CSL. Hill teams are affiliated with particular congressional offices, whose sponsorship consists of donating the infantry of interns necessary to secure and defend barren patches of the National Mall from rogue kickball and Ultimate teams, at least until game time.
Over the past decade, the Hitmen have evolved from a young team of congressional staffers to a highly apolitical loose conglomerate of teachers, Web designers, the odd lawyer (or two) and non-profit workers. Though they now lack the ice and beer-collecting power of Hill interns, their somewhat proud history is much longer and romantic than many know.
The Prebeeteezian Era
In 1994, a newly elected Rep. Van Hilleary, a Tennessee Republican, took office. His staffers, led by Hitmen founder RM, struck out from the Capitol to cross the vast National Mall, a land of few restrooms crisscrossed by bands of wild, unpredictable tourists. Befriending some of these “families,†smiting others and watching out for the occasional lawman who would just as soon spill a man’s beer in the dust as look the other way, the Hilleary staffers established a softball team in the name of their leader: the Hilleary Hitmen.
According to legend, the team grew lazy and fat, at least in a competitive sense. In keeping with league custom, their primary purposes became beer and loss, and over the next few seasons, interest among Hilleary staffers waned. By the spring of 2001, the team’s manager had metaphorically died from scurvy and been buried just north of the Washington monument. The future of the team was beyond bleak, but from the ranks rose a new leader, a sorta-savior with the vision and fortitude to carry the Hitmen into the modern age.
The Sundrop Itmen Years
The rise of BT is the stuff of such legend that many followers, including most of the Hitmen, believe that he was the founder of the team. As we have just seen, that was not the case. But it may well have been, for without the man we know and revere as BT, there would be no Hitmen today. After landing a spot on Van Hilleary’s staff in 2001, BT heard the stories of the Hitmen of old. Fresh from college, he longed for the camaraderie and competition congressional softball could bring to his life. The young legislative correspondent approached the aged and metaphorically dying Hitmen manager, and begged to take hold of the team.
Ever the charismatic leader, BT rallied staffers and reached out to friends outside the office and the Hill for support. Soon, he had a full squad, and he adorned them with Sundrop t-shirts and Jack Daniel’s caps to recognize their Tennessee heritage. Some of the ancients from today’s team, like Murry and KBeast, may recall the 2001 season from among the cobwebs of their minds. It was at this time that BT made the team his own by renaming it the Hillbilly Hitmen, likely to the delight of the congressman himself.
By 2002, the team had achieved such prominence that BT felt custom jerseys were appropriate. Laboring into the night, he and his now-wife KMo painstakingly ironed letters and numbers onto navy blue t-shirts, bestowing nicknames as they went. By the time they’d arrived at the last few, their supply of the letter “H” was exhausted, and out of that hardship a small sub-group of the team, the Itmen, was formed.
The Time of Forbes and Beyond
In 2002, Van Hilleary ran for governor in Tennessee, eventually posting a narrow loss—much like the team that bore his name—to Phil Bredesen. Unfazed, BT returned from the campaign trail and struck out to find a new job and a new sponsor, securing both at the offices of Rep. Randy Forbes, another Republican, this time of Virginia. It is said that Forbes was unaware of his acquisition, and the reported teetotaler would have been appalled had he known of the team and its exploits, which included at least two run-ins with law enforcement in 2003 alone.
The relationship with the Forbes office—and some co-sponsor whose name has never been remembered by anyone—lasted two years. Over the years, BT brought together friends from high school and college to fill out the roster, and those members brought others. In this way, the team has spread out and diversified. Today, no staffers from any congressional office or government entity remain. BT and his soon-to-be bride set off for parts unknown in 2004, leaving the team in the capable hands of Ice. The 2005 season saw the team, now separated from Forbes, officially registered for the first time as the “Hitmen,†though some throwback jerseys still display “Hillbilly†across the chest, in a circle around the rootin’-tootin’ likeness of a cartoon gunslinger.
The modern era has so far seen the Hitmen’s first tourney appearance in years, a run that lasted a matter of minutes. In the great league schism of 2006, the Hitmen stuck with the CSL over the foolish and predominantly Republican whatever-the-other-league-is-called, led by the notorious and otherwise anonymous Bobo de Clown. It was a wise choice, though many of the teams the Hitmen traditionally played made the switch. With fresh opponents and teammates for the 2008 season, the Hitmen remain ready to head for the field, from a long, long way away.
Photos
View photo slideshow for past Hitmen seasons: 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006.
