Hitmen Thump Megawamps
With the mercury hovering near triple digits, the Hitmen took the field for their final Monday contest of the season this evening. While the schedule listed the Dutko Worldwide Megawamps as the evening’s opponent, the Hitmen (and Hitwomen) in attendance soon found themselves facing a second–even more threatening–adversary: stone cold sobriety. Thanks partly to the rumored police crackdown on beer drinking on the Mall and mostly to general disorganization/lack of planning/laziness, the hometown squad was without beer on the hottest day of the year. It was a truly sad state of affairs and, certainly, would have been reasonable cause for most teams to phone it in. Fortunately, however, the Hitmen have a little more mettle than most teams.
It didn’t take long for us to prove it. Back to back homers by JohnStamos and BigStick gave us the lead in the first inning, and steady hitting the rest of the way kept the game out of reach. Though some fielding miscues in the late innings provided some temporary drama, the final outcome was never really in doubt. This fact was perhaps best exemplified by Shooter who removed herself from the game and spent the final four innings reading Glamour magazine on the sidelines. Not even JohnStamos’s open door policy at 3rd base seemed to cause her any consternation.
As it turned out, there was no reason to panic. EvilTwin was on the case, ever ready to make up for Uncle Jesse’s mishaps with her stellar play in left field. (Note: Unfortunately, the skipper didn’t get his act together enough to film any of the numerous spectacular plays by EvilTwin, having exhausted the camera battery on his own in-game interview. See below.)
Other notes…
Deke made her 2007 season debut. After successfully completing the online league registration just moments before gametime, she caught a solid 5 innings behind the plate, and kept close tabs on the the area between the batter and the backup catcher…
Doc returned after a long hiatus. The last we saw of him he was pocketing 4 bucks from the challenge bet on the flip cup table. Apparently his winnings funded a month-long vacation.
Demonstrating a rare display of power reminiscent of the olden days in which dinosaurs roamed the earth, Ice hit his first homer of the season in the second inning. In a show of tremendous vanity he then forced Walt to interview him on camera for the hitmensoftball.org Web site. Ice then returned home and wrote up this game story, consistently referring to himself in the third person.

July 10, 2007, 12:14 pm
If Uncle Jessie has the same shitty fielding on Thursday (i.e. intentional fucking errors), I will most likely punch him right in the cock.
July 10, 2007, 4:04 pm
On another note, are we going to “The Goodguys” afterwards to celebrate a win, or seek consolement for a loss?
July 10, 2007, 4:06 pm
I hope to set a good example while we play in front of the Boys and Girls Club of Georgetown, thus I will be be encouraging JR to be giving as many violent shots to the nuts as he deems necessary. I know Its a harsh lesson but everyone has to learn sometime. Is this the year we finally break down and go to good guys after our sweet sweet victory?
July 11, 2007, 11:29 pm
I hope President Bush was watching us on Monday…we put on a clinic on how to drop bombs.