Hitmen can’t park but can score
After spending the past several weeks playing on the edge of the earth (a.k.a. Anacostia Park), the Hillbilly Hitmen found their way on the Mall for this week’s contest against the creatively named “Softballers.” All were excited as the prospect of swinging the bats and flashing the leather in the shadow of our nation’s memorials. In our collective glee, we managed to forget what a royal pain in the ass it can be to park one’s car downtown on a Thursday night. Needless to say, we were quickly reminded. This combined with further difficulties locating the field delayed the start of the game be nearly 45 minutes, much to the frustration of our esteemed opponents who had been reserving the plot since 11am.
Whatever guilt we might have felt was soon replaced by a competitive fire. With our perfect record was once again on the line the Hitmen stepped to the plate (and to the cooler) with a mission. Other than a blooper-filled bottom of the fifth inning in which the Hitmen let just about everything evade their gloves, the squad put together a very solid effort. Poppa-to-be Stanto announced his return to the team with two round trippers and a triple which caused a minor traffic accident in right field. Bow Wow once again displayed giddy-up of a teenaged rap star, hauling in shot after shot to left field. In the three spot in the lineup, the Weatherman rained down on the Softballers, blasting his first Hitmen homer in the third inning. Others stepped up as well and the Hitmen rolled to a 13-7 win.
Due to less-than-expected turnout (these “hockey” and “kickball” excuses are getting old, folks), there were a number of of cold beverages left over when the final out was recorded. Not ones to leave a job unfinished, the Hitmen rallied together and put in a few extra innings next to the cooler before heading off for further nourishment at a local establishment.


June 8, 2007, 12:02 am
The National Mall will never forget us, Hitmen. Someday, a marker will be raised in our honor, too: Probably “no public urination” signs.
June 8, 2007, 12:49 am
P.S. No, I haven’t reported the score yet. Gotta keep you guys hungry, with a chip on your shoulder.
June 8, 2007, 7:54 am
We may not have been able to park, but we parked a couple softballs yesterday. As for our marker, it may read something directed at tourists by the reflecting pool: “Watch out for stray balls”
June 8, 2007, 9:49 am
Actually, this entry should actually read:
“Some HItmen can’t park for game, but find success near bar afterwards.”
June 8, 2007, 10:05 am
Who is this “Shadow” character? I went to read more about him on the Players page and get ZERO biographical information. Is he a real, live undercover hitman or something?
June 8, 2007, 12:54 pm
This web site is either the coolest or the gayest thing I have ever seen… or somehow a wonderful mixture of cool gayness… I was a little disappointed to find out the video clip entitled “Stamos talks about his dong” is me talking about a pretty weak hit that I stretched into a homer. I would imagine people doing nefarious google searches of “Stamos Dong” will be equally disappointed when they arrive at this site.
June 11, 2007, 1:13 pm
This team is so totally freaking radically awesome right now.
June 11, 2007, 1:26 pm
Get locked in, boys and girls. I expect 6-0 when I return from my trip.