Inspired Management, Sunflower Seeds Lead Hitmen to Victory
Well, as many Hitman and Hitwoman have pointed out, it’s been a long time since the team website was updated. There are reasons for this — some good, some bad — but why dwell on the past? The drought is over… at least for now.
On Thursday, the Hitmen took their undefeated record to the mean streets of Northeast DC for a clash with a familiar CSL adversary, the Baltimore Oracles, on the Oracles’ home field at the Ludlow-Something-Or-Another Elementary School. It promised to be a good matchup… until the Hitmen discovered that no one had brought any beer, at which point interest began to wane significantly. After all, thanks to the generosity of a few select beer gatherers — Murry and Phil chief among them — it has been quite awhile since our squad has played a game without the benefit of liquid courage. By this point, there was legitimate reason to question whether the Hitmen were even capable of playing a came which didn’t involve solo cups.
Faced with this predicament, there was a brief discussion of dispatching someone to go pick up a case — a quest, which would have involved walking all of two blocks while carrying a credit card. However, this idea was universally panned in favor of other favorite Hitmen pastimes: general laziness and complaining. Continuing the trend of apathy, so called “Captain,” Ice, proclaimed his disinterest in fulfilling any of the normal managerial duties for the game, and others wondered aloud if we should just skip the charade altogether and head straight to the bar.
Fortunately for all involved a new leader emerged from the shadows in our darkest moments of despair… Shadow, himself. Rallying the troops with promises of equal playing time, an all-expenses paid Dewey Beach vacation, and a Costco sized sack of sunflower seeds, he won back the hearts and minds of a wayward squad, which was about ready to throw in the towel. It was truly something to behold… Leadership at its finest.
Disregarding all conventional (and legal) methods of game management, Shadow made the Hitmen forget about their sober state and concentrate on the task at hand. Hit after hit, throw after throw, he led them toward softball enlightenment, like some sort of softball Buddha. Through his inspired leadership, the Hitmen discovered that, with minor effort and thoughtful juggling of the lineup, victory could be theirs, with or without a cooler of brews. And so it was… 15-5.
