The Hitmen celebrate a hard fought victory over Jesse and the Rippers, thereby upholding JohnStamos's honor.
The Hitmen celebrate a hard fought victory over Jesse and the Rippers, thereby upholding JohnStamos's honor.

Hitmen Return to Form, Hold off Jesse and the Rippers

by Ice, May 23, 2008, 1:06 am

After last week’s disappointing debut, many around the Congressional Softball League questioned whether the Hitmen had lost the softball acumen they had displayed in previous seasons. Perhaps their window of greatness had closed, said the critics… Not so fast, my friends…

Facing Jesse and the Rippers, the multi-clad Hitmen came to play, exhibiting skills that were almost entirely absent last week. Rising to the competition, the local bunch turned in some stellar fielding (when was the last time anyone witnessed a true double play on the CSL diamond?) and timely hitting on the way to an exciting 11-10 victory over the #1 ranked team in the CSL.

Highlights included a homer by InsuranceClaim, back-to-back glove-and-gun plays from the Weatherman and a twinkle-toes maneuver at first base by our esteemed pitcher (who, incidentally, promises to be a kinder-gentler soul in ‘08).

No doubt the Rippers were also hurt by the absence of JohnStamos, the man who inspired their very existence. In a strategic move, Stamos chose not to make his presence felt at the game until the fifth inning, opting instead to wander around the woods along Independence Avenue.

While the Rippers wallowed in self pity at being denied by their namesake, the Hitmen had others to pick up the slack, with some trusted veterans making their 2008 debuts. 7-year Itman Murry made the venture down from Baltimore and once again demonstrated a remarkable ability to make time stand still while running the bases. Utility man extraordinaire Shadow was also back in the mix as was Mr. Anger Management, WhoShot J.R. and his tidy E.R.A.

The Hitmen pose for a photo after their season opening beatdown at the hands of Raising Arizona.
The Hitmen pose for a photo after their season opening beatdown at the hands of Raising Arizona.

Next Time We’ll Skip the Game and Go Straight to the Bar….

by Ice, May 16, 2008, 12:11 am

While we hoped it would be different, the 2008 Hitmen campaign began with a whimper Thursday evening on a soggy field in Anacostia. Taking on Raising Arizona, the good guys (and gals!) demonstrated what a winter of beer drinking and pizza eating can do to a not-as-young-as-we-used-to-be set of (mostly) twentysomething softballers… Shockingly these favorite pastimes do little to contribute to one’s ability to catch, run or hit a softball. Who knew?

Yes. It was an ugly scene. Perhaps the only saving graces of the evening were InsuranceClaim’s unintentional plunking of a Raising Arizona baserunner’s noggen and Ice’s diving grab in the mud to keep the Hitmen within 10 runs of victory. Other than that, our performance pretty much sucked. There were enough bad throws, dropped balls, missed calls (I think someone was summoning JR), and weak hits to last a season.

Fortunately, however, there was also cold Coor’s Light awaiting us at My Brother’s Place after the game. So, while the game was lost (in spectacular fashion), the evening was a win.