After the Dust Settles… Hitmen Victorious Again
Normally, I use this space to recap a team effort and attempt to capture some of the flavor of the latest Hitmen game. That is all well and good. But, sometimes the performance of a single Hitman is so spectacular, so awesome, and so impressive that it is necessary to dispatch with the normal recipe and spotlight that individual. Ladies and gentlemen… Chainsaw.
In the top of the eighth inning, with the Hitmen holding a comfortable lead over Pews Your Daddy, young Chainsaw took his position in Centerfield. “Centerfield?” you ask, “I thought Chainsaw generally pitched.” Not when John Stamos is managing, apparently. Our favorite woodsman was brimming with confidence as he turned to Left Fielder Ice and said, “Anything between us is yours.” But Chainsaw is a team player and so, he readied for action and attempted to familiarize himself with his surroundings.
Looking around, our protagonist saw a fairly normal set of obstacles in the realm of Mall softball. In front of him was the normal patchy grass. To his left was a major tourist attraction — the Smithsonian carousel in this case — and behind him was a wide gravel path well traveled by families and tourists. Pretty standard fare for the CSL but also fairly dangerous if you stopped to think about it, which Chainsaw tried not to.
The inning started innocently enough. There were a couple of hits, probably an error or two. The game was already in the books, so the Hitmen’s concentration was probably not at it’s highest level of the season. And then up stepped one of the Pew’s Your Daddy power hitters. He let a couple pitches go and then unleashed a mighty swing… The ball sailed deep to right center field between Chainsaw and Hurricane.
All eyes turned skyward to admire the blast. But, when the ball began to fall back toward earth, we lost sight of it as, out of nowhere, an incredible dark cloud of dust erupted in Centerfield. As the particles flew about, Hitmen and Daddies alike had trouble discerning what was happening. The world seemed to stop as the cloud advanced over the Mall. This dark advance was accompanied by the grusome sounds of skidding, crashing and grinding. It was all quite alarming, especially when we realized that Chainsaw had gone missing, apparently absorbed — and possibly eaten — by the mysterious dust cloud. Panic abounded, especially in the person of Lennifer who lamented that her camera’s memory card was full and she had been unable to document the phenomenon.
However, as we reached the pits of despair, Chainsaw rose up from the earth like a Phoenix. He was bloodied and bruised and dirty but otherwise okay. And since he had not come within 30 yards of the ball, it was funny as hell.
