So everyone’s favorite left fielder, Lil’ Bow Wow, suckered us into playing in the CSL tournament and then skipped town. That son of a… Well, we’re stuck now, so we might as well document the debacle. Check back throughout the day for updates on our games. Or, you can follow us at twitter.com/hitmensoftball. Go Hitmen!
Normally, I use this space to recap a team effort and attempt to capture some of the flavor of the latest Hitmen game. That is all well and good. But, sometimes the performance of a single Hitman is so spectacular, so awesome, and so impressive that it is necessary to dispatch with the normal recipe and spotlight that individual. Ladies and gentlemen… Chainsaw.
In the top of the eighth inning, with the Hitmen holding a comfortable lead over Pews Your Daddy, young Chainsaw took his position in Centerfield. “Centerfield?” you ask, “I thought Chainsaw generally pitched.” Not when John Stamos is managing, apparently. Our favorite woodsman was brimming with confidence as he turned to Left Fielder Ice and said, “Anything between us is yours.” But Chainsaw is a team player and so, he readied for action and attempted to familiarize himself with his surroundings.
Looking around, our protagonist saw a fairly normal set of obstacles in the realm of Mall softball. In front of him was the normal patchy grass. To his left was a major tourist attraction — the Smithsonian carousel in this case — and behind him was a wide gravel path well traveled by families and tourists. Pretty standard fare for the CSL but also fairly dangerous if you stopped to think about it, which Chainsaw tried not to.
The inning started innocently enough. There were a couple of hits, probably an error or two. The game was already in the books, so the Hitmen’s concentration was probably not at it’s highest level of the season. And then up stepped one of the Pew’s Your Daddy power hitters. He let a couple pitches go and then unleashed a mighty swing… The ball sailed deep to right center field between Chainsaw and Hurricane.
All eyes turned skyward to admire the blast. But, when the ball began to fall back toward earth, we lost sight of it as, out of nowhere, an incredible dark cloud of dust erupted in Centerfield. As the particles flew about, Hitmen and Daddies alike had trouble discerning what was happening. The world seemed to stop as the cloud advanced over the Mall. This dark advance was accompanied by the grusome sounds of skidding, crashing and grinding. It was all quite alarming, especially when we realized that Chainsaw had gone missing, apparently absorbed — and possibly eaten — by the mysterious dust cloud. Panic abounded, especially in the person of Lennifer who lamented that her camera’s memory card was full and she had been unable to document the phenomenon.
However, as we reached the pits of despair, Chainsaw rose up from the earth like a Phoenix. He was bloodied and bruised and dirty but otherwise okay. And since he had not come within 30 yards of the ball, it was funny as hell.
Tonight’s contest against the Dinh and Tonics proved far more eventful than anyone imagined for a lazy day in July. First there was the difficulty of getting the field. Per standard procedure, Ice attempted to pass the buck to the opponent over email. However, the experienced D&T captain would have none of it. This wasn’t her first rodeo. And so, the game seemed destined to be canceled… until Knitts stepped to the forefront.
Announcing to co-workers that he had “scheduled a site visit,” he took off in search of an spot in the mid afternoon. After searching long and hard (that’s what she said) he found an open plot near 21st and Constitution — a spot which was familiar to the Hitmen since it had been the site of the USPP’s Prohibition style raid on our Miller Light a few weeks earlier. All seemed well. And it was… for awhile.
Per usual, the game started late. This was because the other team (for once) was slow to arrive and because pur starting First Basemen, Kolly, felt the need to conduct a lengthy conference call while standing under a distant tree with his beer and cigarette. Some nerve for a guy who has only shown up twice all season.
This delay meant that when Harry the Park Ranger came by and interrupted our game, we had only played three innings. Harry’s news was that the field we had selected was not approved for softball by the NPS, and that we had to move. There was some mention of the need to keep the space where we were playing clear in order to preserve the vista to and from the surrounding memorials. This argument might have been more convincing had the Park Service not erected a six foot high chained link fence between us and the memorials to which Harry was referring. Unswayed by logic and unimpressed with Ice’s mention that he had once worn the green and gray himself, Harry reiterated several times that the game must be moved.
As the situation spiraled toward an impasse, Lil Bow Wow and Murry stepped in and negotiated a stay of execution. Harry agreed to allow us to play for 30 more minutes if we said, “Please,” and “Thank you,” and promised to put our toys away afterward. It proved to be a decent arrangement for all. Harry left with the pride of a job well done and we got to play a few more innings AND get to the bar earlier. Thanks, Harry!
Well, as many Hitman and Hitwoman have pointed out, it’s been a long time since the team website was updated. There are reasons for this — some good, some bad — but why dwell on the past? The drought is over… at least for now.
On Thursday, the Hitmen took their undefeated record to the mean streets of Northeast DC for a clash with a familiar CSL adversary, the Baltimore Oracles, on the Oracles’ home field at the Ludlow-Something-Or-Another Elementary School. It promised to be a good matchup… until the Hitmen discovered that no one had brought any beer, at which point interest began to wane significantly. After all, thanks to the generosity of a few select beer gatherers — Murry and Phil chief among them — it has been quite awhile since our squad has played a game without the benefit of liquid courage. By this point, there was legitimate reason to question whether the Hitmen were even capable of playing a came which didn’t involve solo cups.
Faced with this predicament, there was a brief discussion of dispatching someone to go pick up a case — a quest, which would have involved walking all of two blocks while carrying a credit card. However, this idea was universally panned in favor of other favorite Hitmen pastimes: general laziness and complaining. Continuing the trend of apathy, so called “Captain,” Ice, proclaimed his disinterest in fulfilling any of the normal managerial duties for the game, and others wondered aloud if we should just skip the charade altogether and head straight to the bar.
Fortunately for all involved a new leader emerged from the shadows in our darkest moments of despair… Shadow, himself. Rallying the troops with promises of equal playing time, an all-expenses paid Dewey Beach vacation, and a Costco sized sack of sunflower seeds, he won back the hearts and minds of a wayward squad, which was about ready to throw in the towel. It was truly something to behold… Leadership at its finest.
Disregarding all conventional (and legal) methods of game management, Shadow made the Hitmen forget about their sober state and concentrate on the task at hand. Hit after hit, throw after throw, he led them toward softball enlightenment, like some sort of softball Buddha. Through his inspired leadership, the Hitmen discovered that, with minor effort and thoughtful juggling of the lineup, victory could be theirs, with or without a cooler of brews. And so it was… 15-5.
Spring is in the air… Well, not really, but at least the snow is melting. Time to get fired up, Hitmen. Need some inspiration? It’s all right here.
It’s an interesting feeling when you are driving to your softball game and the sun is shining brightly while the clouds are letting loose a deluge. On the one hand, you get the feeling that the weather may pass quickly and you might get to play. On the other hand, you wonder if your car is going to be washed into the Potomac before you can make it to the field.
Well, fortunately, for us, the weather did clear (temporarily, as we would find out) by the time most of us made it down to the Mall. Our reward? A matchup against Raisin’ Arizona – the squad that had throttled us in our season opener a year ago and gone on to finish third in the end of season tournament.
But, we are a different team than we were the last time we played them. In fact, we were a different team than the last time we played anybody, as the game saw the return of long-lost Hitmen Kbeast and Freckles. Nice to see you again, ladies! Remember us? Just in case you’ve forgotten, KB, this game isn’t played with a big red kickball.
After a getting a late start because of the weather, we began the game on a high note as Lil Bow Wow smacked a homer. Things got better from there as Detroit’s Finest, InsuranceClaim and others followed with knocks, and we built an early lead. Though the game got a little dicey later, after we let a few balls get over/under/around us, the early hits proved to be enough to hold off the cacti until a second monsoon came through and sent us scrambling for the bar. A four inning victory? We’ll take it!
Remember last week? The thrilling last inning comeback? The celebration after a clutch hit brought home the winning run? Well, the National Mall was again the scene of such a CSL contest on Thursday… Unfortunately for the Hitmen, however, we were on the other end of the score this week in our game against the Naughty Fingers. Call it bad luck, call it payback, call it a choke job. Whatever you call it, it was disappointing.
But, I’ll try to focus on the positive…
The game marked the debut of our 2009 Hitmen jerseys (thanks, Evil Twin!) so, for once, we actually looked like a team instead of a rag tag band of randos. The game also marked the season debut of veteran Hitwoman Deke, who was back from New York City to hold down the catcher position.
Spurred by these developments, we played pretty solid ball for six and a half innings. Timely — if unspectacular — hitting and relatively solid defense (especially by Hitmen standards) gave us a 12-7 lead going into the bottom of the seventh — a minor miracle considering that we had started the game shorthanded when offensive stalwarts Bow Wow and Kinger went MIA after going in search of beer… er, I mean, Gatorade. (Fortunately they returned by the third inning with thirst-quenching beverages in tow.) Indeed, things were looking positive for quite awhile.
Sadly, however, it just wasn’t meant to be. In the bottom of the seventh, the ‘Fingers rallied. A string of base hits followed by a homer spelled the Hitmen’s demise. While we wished it wasn’t so, the scorecard (a.k.a. the chicken scratch in the back of Knitts’s LSAT review book) didn’t lie. We had been bested.
Fortunately, however, we’re not a crew who worries too much about such things. Rather than dwell on the defeat, most of the traditional post-game meal at MBP was spent heckling Gabs about her new favorite nickname. “Punky Brewster” no more!
The weather was beautiful and the beverages were cold (thanks, Murry). It was a picture perfect CSL evening on the Mall. But, for six and a half innings the Hitmen threatened to ruin it… by sucking… out loud. Indeed, for the most of the game, we couldn’t do much of anything right. Whether it was overthrows and miscues in the field, or popups at the plate, or even locating the Washington Monument (sorry Gabby) we were pretty hopeless. Tonight’s opponent, We Got the Runs, took advantage, and carried a 10-6 lead into the final inning.
However, these aren’t your grandmother’s Hitmen. In a startling display of mettle and guts, the hometown NINE (not ten because some usually reliable “teammates” decided to go to the beach with their kickball buddies instead of supporting the cause — I’m looking at you, KB) rose to the occasion. It was a sight to behold.
Leading off the bottom of the seventh, Lil Bow smacked a hit off of the pitcher’s shin and Knitts drove him in with a solid knock to left. Two more hits by BigStick and Insurance Claim closed the deficit to one. And then, up stepped Kolly with a runner on third… As the band cued up the dramatic music (no really, there was a band on the stage out behind left field) our weary third basemen dug into the box (40 hour work weeks are a bitch, eh, big fella?). After taking a few pitches and fouling off another, he launched a drive to left, over the outstretched arms of the Runs’ left fielder.
Game over, suckers. Hitmen win.
After several straight days of rain, the Hitmen’s game against FDIC Too Big to Fail seemed to be in serious jeopardy. As Congressional Softball League fans know, the fields on the Mall are somewhat dicey to begin with, even under the best of conditions. Add some rain to the mix, and its a virtual obstacle course. But, what can I say? We love softball. Or, at least we love Hitmen Softball, which, of course, has very little resemblance to actual softball but anyway…
And so, while many other squads called off their games this week, we pressed on. Or, rather, a few of us pressed on. Despite the above claims about our deep commitment, attendance for the game was… shall we say… sparse. As the FDICers assembled a small army of softballers, the Hitmen could only muster a handful of players. A series of frantic phone calls yielded a lot of poor excuses and but little else, so we were still shorthanded when it came time to start the game. Unwilling to give in, however, we borrowed a catcher from the forgiving FDICers and engaged the patented Hitmen three man infield.
Thankfully this arrangement did not last long. By the second inning Harold & Davekumar (who, like Chainsaw, changed out of his office clothes on the field) appeared on the scene and Freckles arrived a short time later to take over the catching duties. Though still down a position player, we were – at long last – legit!
And we played like it! Our bats woke up and our fielding was strong. Other than a few baserunning blunders – like Ice doing a face plant between first and second – it was a solid performance. Put another win in the books!
After last week’s season opening victory, hopes were high for the Hitmen prior to our Thursday tilt against Coal Ripken, Jr. The weather was beautiful, the long weekend was about to begin, and Murry was bringing liquid refreshments down from Baltimore. Things were looking good.
Well, let’s just say the evening didn’t go quite as planned. While the Evite suggested a healthy turnout, there were only seven Hitmen on site when it came time for the game to start. Not wanting to risk the forfeit, Lil Bow Wow, and Knitts – who made his triumphant return to the Hitmen after a few years in Georgia – rallied the troops and prepared for battle. Thinking quickly, they put together a batting lineup and designed an innovative 2-infielders defense, hoping to buy time until reinforcements arrived (hopefully with a cooler and cups in tow, since Murry had been forced to leave the 30 pack in her trunk.)
For awhile, it seemed as if the strategy was working. The Hitmen scored three runs in the top of the first inning, and were able to hold the Ripkens to just one. Meanwhile, slowly, but surely, more Hitmen arrived on the scene. Ice appeared from behind the World War II memorial. A short time later, EvilTwin and JohnStamos wandered in from the thickets beyond left field. Soon we had a full complement of fielders.
Strangely, however, as our ranks swelled, our performance seemed to slip – the bats grew quiet and our fielding (especially in centerfield) grew lazy. Unfortunately, it all added up to a 12-9 defeat for the Hitmen. It was disappointing, but we kept it in perspective as the conversation soon turned to more important subjects, like whether to head to MBP, or just pop open the trunk of Murry’s Jetta.
After our scheduled contest with the Baltimore Oracles was canceled due to weather, the Hitmen had to wait a week to get the 2009 campaign underway. But, with the weather clear, all signs were go for our matchup with the Vista Cruisers.
If the first inning was any indication, perhaps the rain last week washed away our normal barrage first game miscues as well. Indeed, while everyone expected the worst (akin to previous season openers), the new season actually started off uncharacteristically well for the hometown nine (ten?). Batting first (in a creative — but effective — lineup that he created himself) John Stamos smacked an home run to right to give the Hitmen a 1-0 lead. In the bottom of the frame, Stamos baffled the Cruisers with his southpaw delivery, and set them down 1-2-3.
While subsequent innings saw us return to normal Hitmen form on occasion (overthrows, errors and popups), our performance was pretty solid overall. We scored enough the keep the Cruisers at bay and were able to shut them down in the end, even as the light grew dim on the Mall. All in all, it was a solid start to the new season, deserving of the pitchers of beer we secured at Kolly’s/Donald’s/Murry’s Brother’s Place.
Special shout outs…
I figured the best way to get fired up for the new season was to look back at some of the finer moments from last year. Enjoy, Hitmen.
Looking for back to back wins for the first time in quite awhile, the Hitmen took to the Mall again on Thursday. This week’s opponent? The Showboats squad that unceremoniously dispatched us from the end of the season tourney in 2007.
The evening started out inauspiciously. First came the rain. Then came the crickets when the opposing manager inquired about whether the Hitmen had bases and other necessary items for softball play…. After 7 years, you’d think we’d have this CSL thing down by now, but apparently not. Who manages this team, anyway? Somebody should fire that guy.
Fortunately for the Hitmen, however, things got considerably better from there. Stepping in as pitcher, the Weatherman brought calm and clear conditions to the diamond, setting the ‘boats down in order in the first inning. This caused a bit of confusion to the rest of the Hitmen who have grown accustomed to starting the game with a lengthy parade of fielding errors, errant throws and boneheaded mistakes on their way to a multi-run deficit.
Drawing on his experience playing in other leagues, however, the Weatherman convinced us that it was alright–even preferable–to hurry through the opening frame with three consecutive outs so that we could get up to bat. While we were initially skeptical, we decided to follow his lead. There was something so convincing about him. Perhaps it was his calm manner, noticeably void of obscenities, porn references and generalized offensive comments… Or maybe it was his miniscule ERA…
Whatever it was, it proved to be a wise decision. Behind our best defensive performance of the year, and some timely hits, the Hitmen put down the ‘boats 7-3, and retired to the bar. Some days it’s just good to be a Hitman.
After taking the holiday week off, the Hitmen returned to the diamond on Thursday attempting to turn their season around and start a win streak. In order to do so, however, they would have to overcome the CPB Borderliners and their beloved strike mat. It was a certain to be a challenge given the Borderliner’s relative skill and their penchant for gerrymandering.
Fortunately for all dressed in blue (that is our color this year, right?) the Hitmen were up to the task. After observing their traditional slow start, the good guys woke up in the third inning and proceeded to unleash several weeks worth of aggression upon the Borderliners. Powered by some moonshots from Kinger and Stanto, the squad plated 14 runs in the third frame alone to take the lead for good. The bombardment left the Borderliners demoralized and caused various dumb tourists to scurry for cover. In the end, the Hitmen ruled the day with a 24-16 victory.
Of course, the game was not without controversy, however. What would be the fun in that? Indeed the game’s most memorable sequence (to everyone except 3rd Out, perhaps) was a close play at the plate which ended with our favorite catcher taking a ball and glove to the noggen. The out call by the ‘liner’s umpire set up a screaming match between the Hitmen’s #1 obscenity spewer and the ‘liner’s loudmouth coach.
What rhymes with “sucking”? Wait… J.R., you are not allowed to answer that… It would give you too much pleasure.
Yes, it was another rough Thursday for the Hitmen. While hopes ran high to start a real winning streak, the bats and gloves did not cooperate and the Hitmen fell to a ragtag Affairs Not Relations squad by a score of 14-11 (if you believe the Affairs’ “scorebook”).
Questionable scorekeeping aside, the Hitmen’s performance was remarkably unremarkable. Indeed, this one followed the now all-too-familiar pattern: Start the game by making 6-8 errors in the first inning. Fall behind big. Finally wake up and realize that there is a softball game going on and, holy shit, our team is playing in it. Stage a late rally that is almost–but not quite enough–to overcome the deficit. Chalk up another loss in the standings.
I think I’ve seen this movie before. It was called Hitmen vs. Raising Arizona… or Hitmen vs. Borderliners… or Hitmen vs. Minnesota 5lb Bass. Time to write a new script.
It brings joy to a softball captain’s heart when he arrives on the Mall to see a mass of teammates jerseys already gathered, ready to play. It sure beats the shit out of frantic phone calls trying to round enough enough warm bodies to field a squad.
Today was on of those glorious days. The Hillbilly bunch came out en force, numbering sixteen strong for this week’s contest against the Walk-Us Caucus. Everywhere you looked, there was a Hitman or Hitwoman.
In addition to the usual cast of characters, we welcomed back famed Hitmen alums BCEagle and Euro Trash, who were in town for their customary beach weekend of drunken debauchery. Despite pre-game predictions of rustiness, they looked as if they hadn’t missed a beat.
So, too, did Stanto, who returned to the squad after a few weeks off tending to his in-laws, child and other adult-type responsibilities. Exhibiting pinpoint control, Pops hurled two perfect innings on the mound (or manhole cover, as the case may have been) before turning the ball over to WhoShotJR. It was a sign of good things to come for the Hitmen, who sent wave after wave of mashers to the plate and around the bases on our way to a big victory.
It feels good to be back in the win column, so I won’t ruin the mood by discussing our showing on the flip cup table later…
It’s the headline no one wanted to read but, alas, it’s true. In the teams’ first matchup since last year’s testy contest, the Hillbilly Hitmen fell to the Minnesota 5lb Bass on the fields of Anacostia… or River Terrace… or Benning Park… or wherever the bass play these days.
On this day the Hitmen were foiled by piss poor defense and general apathy in the early innings. The Bass’s insistence on playing with a Nerf ball did not help matters. But, in the final analysis we can blame no one but ourselves. Neither a late innings power boost from BigStick (after we got serious with the Serious Softball) or Chainsaw and IHeartKickball’s arrival with our brand new jerseys were enough to spur us to victory. Apparently we just aren’t very good fishermen…
This realization, it seems, was too much for our supposedly calm and collected pitcher, WhoShotJR, to handle. As the rest of us gathered at game’s end to consume the last of the Miller Light, JR made a hasty retreat to his car. Within seconds, the only evidence of his presence was a still-fresh trail of f-bombs and a small pile of Kolly’s personal belongings, which JR offloaded before speeding away. Fortunately paparazzi photographer Murry was on the case and captured JR’s retreat in some sweet action photos.
As dedicated fans of the Hitmen well know, we are not a group that likes to be hemmed in by rules and regulations. This attitude makes us a perfect match for the CSL, a league which, as far as anyone knows, has no actual rules. It’s pretty much an anything-goes atmosphere. Umpires? Nah… Balls and strikes? Not recommended… Illegal alcohol consumption? You bet… It seems, however, that some do not share our love for softball anarchy.
As it turned out, tonight’s adversary, the CPB Borderliners, a crew of staffers and guards from the Department of Homeland Security, are one such group. From the magic carpet behind the plate to the precisely measured bases, the Borderliners exhibited a softball seriousness seldom seen on the Mall in the summertime. It was, quite frankly, a bit strange and a tad bit alarming…
Still, the Hitmen fought gamely in the unfamiliar environs. After falling behind early when the law enforcers gerrymandered a foul ball into a grand slam (it’s amazing how the rules change when you have the opportunity to plate four runs), the Hitmen fought back.
As our bats woke up, 7 year vet Murry kept the border guards down with some stellar glove work at second base. Flashing the leather left and right, she stabbed sharp grounder after sharp grounder frustrating the border guards and their crazy first basemen/umpire/mascot “Art.” Initially content to flip the ball to the shortstop for the force out, Murry soon began handling things on her own, choosing to race baserunners to the bag with her superhuman speed. Cue the dramatic background music…
On the mound, WhoShotJR kept the Borderliner bats cool most of the night, and kept himself cool as well, except for a few errant F-Bombs when a tourist chose to aid the opposition. Fortunately, the Weatherman was on the scene to restore mild and temperate conditions when necessary.
In the end, the game didn’t go our way as the Hitmen fell by a count of 16-11. But, it was a fun evening. I will even (begrudgingly) admit that playing with balls and strikes and “rules” can only serve us well in the future. Still, for the record, that ball was #$%^& foul. One would think the border guards would be a little better at minding the boundaries.
Historically, the Hitmen have stood for all things that are good and pure about Congressional League Softball… general disinterest rules, a love of flip cup, and a deep animosity toward the kickballers. In recent years, however, this third tenant has been muted a bit as certain members of our squad (I’m looking at you KBeast and Teach) have decided to double dip. While we forgive them for these transgressions (sort of… sometimes… not really), every now and then we need to return to our roots.
Last Thursday’s game on the Washington Monument grounds proved to be one of those times. While the schedule will show that the contest was against the Megawamps softball team, our true enemy this day was the legion of green and red clad kickballers occupying left field. They might as well have been a giant target.
Starting in the first inning, Hitmen sluggers took aim, launching blast after blast into the kiddie game. It was great entertainment to watch them scatter and scurry as real balls from a real sport fell from the heavens upon them. The barrage continued until the Hitmen had rounded the bases some 36 times, each step a declaration of dominance, on the way to victory.
If you ask me, we should get credit for 2 wins… and a medal of honor.
After last week’s disappointing debut, many around the Congressional Softball League questioned whether the Hitmen had lost the softball acumen they had displayed in previous seasons. Perhaps their window of greatness had closed, said the critics… Not so fast, my friends…
Facing Jesse and the Rippers, the multi-clad Hitmen came to play, exhibiting skills that were almost entirely absent last week. Rising to the competition, the local bunch turned in some stellar fielding (when was the last time anyone witnessed a true double play on the CSL diamond?) and timely hitting on the way to an exciting 11-10 victory over the #1 ranked team in the CSL.
Highlights included a homer by InsuranceClaim, back-to-back glove-and-gun plays from the Weatherman and a twinkle-toes maneuver at first base by our esteemed pitcher (who, incidentally, promises to be a kinder-gentler soul in ‘08).
No doubt the Rippers were also hurt by the absence of JohnStamos, the man who inspired their very existence. In a strategic move, Stamos chose not to make his presence felt at the game until the fifth inning, opting instead to wander around the woods along Independence Avenue.
While the Rippers wallowed in self pity at being denied by their namesake, the Hitmen had others to pick up the slack, with some trusted veterans making their 2008 debuts. 7-year Itman Murry made the venture down from Baltimore and once again demonstrated a remarkable ability to make time stand still while running the bases. Utility man extraordinaire Shadow was also back in the mix as was Mr. Anger Management, WhoShot J.R. and his tidy E.R.A.
While we hoped it would be different, the 2008 Hitmen campaign began with a whimper Thursday evening on a soggy field in Anacostia. Taking on Raising Arizona, the good guys (and gals!) demonstrated what a winter of beer drinking and pizza eating can do to a not-as-young-as-we-used-to-be set of (mostly) twentysomething softballers… Shockingly these favorite pastimes do little to contribute to one’s ability to catch, run or hit a softball. Who knew?
Yes. It was an ugly scene. Perhaps the only saving graces of the evening were InsuranceClaim’s unintentional plunking of a Raising Arizona baserunner’s noggen and Ice’s diving grab in the mud to keep the Hitmen within 10 runs of victory. Other than that, our performance pretty much sucked. There were enough bad throws, dropped balls, missed calls (I think someone was summoning JR), and weak hits to last a season.
Fortunately, however, there was also cold Coor’s Light awaiting us at My Brother’s Place after the game. So, while the game was lost (in spectacular fashion), the evening was a win.
For immediate release
April 12, 2008
Washington, D.C. — The Hillbilly Hitmen softball club released their 2008 Congressional Softball League schedule, after successfully navigating the mad scramble of email scheduling, which defines the CSL’s commitment to lawlessness. Manager Ice looks forward to a challenging campaign for the team, “There are a lot of good teams on our slate this year, but we’re excited to be back on the diamond [or parched tufts of grass of the Mall and sketchy Anacostia environs] and look forward to another [occasionally] successful campaign in 2008 [until the playoffs when we will probably stick our collective heads in our asses just like every other year].”
This year’s slate features solely Thursday tilts since the Hitmen are getting old and are no longer interested in playing multiple games per week. Familiar foes “Margin of Terror” on July 24, the “Showboats” on July 17 and heated rival (thanks to J.R.) “Minnesota 5 lb. Bass” on June 12, highlight the schedule. The season also features an early showdown with “Jesse and the Rippers”, which is sure to cause some extra motivation for our very own JohnStamos.
Out of town fans can track the Hitmen’s season on www.hitmensoftball.org.
Well, I’ve received my annual wintertime inquiry from Kyle asking about the status of Hitmen softball. So, spring must be near….
This year’s note came in the form of a post on my Facebook wall. Last year it was a text message. The year before some spray paint on my car.
Whatever the mode, it always makes me feel good to get these inquiries from Ms. Julian. While her main attraction to Hitmen softball may be the excuse it provides her to work on her tan and read celebrity gossip magazines in the name of saving the field, it’s nice to know that she’s thinking about us, even in the dead of winter.
So, folks, are we going to have a team or what? Let’s get a headcount. As you mull it over, take a look at the 2007 Hitmen Highlight montage (see video player to the upper right). C’mon, you know you want to play…
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